Compiling a list of the absolute worst video game weapons ever designed is no small undertaking. Gaming has long been centered around combat in many forms, which requires its many antagonists and protagonists to be outfitted with various weapons to smack, shoot, slice, or blast each other around with, shaving away their hit points, heart containers, or whatever other representation of life force the game may devise, with each attack.
Needless to say that over the years, gaming has amassed a very sizable arsenal of weapons. And with that sizable arsenal comes a veritable bunker of horrendous weapons that now have a place in gaming lore and infamy as some of the worst video game weapons ever conceived of.
Unlike our list of the Best Videogame Weapons of All-Time, the weapons on this list are the worst of them all. Whether their design is comically bad (intentional though it may be), they’re particularly incompetent in the potency department, or are saddled with some other offensive (and we don’t mean offensive as in attacking, but rather offensive as in how freakishly annoying they are) attributes, these weapons are embarrassments to gaming, and a cruel joke to the gamers who were forced to wield them.
Just reading our list of these awful weapons may cause you to seek out a weapon of your own to stick in your eye; they’re that bad. Now then, let’s get started with out list of the ten worst video game weapons in the history of the known universe.
No: 10. Teddy Bear – (Prince of Persia: Warrior Within)
Who wouldn’t want to strike terror in the hearts of foes with a cute and cuddly little teddy bear? Jokes aside, other than being a collector’s item in the game, the Teddy Bear has no usefulness whatsoever. Yes, it’s indestructible, but who in their right mind would want to fight the guardian of time a.k.a The Dahaka, with an indestructible teddy bear which deals little to no damage? Not us.
No: 9. Red Ryder BB Gun – (Fallout: New Vegas)
I guess the only good thing that can be said about this gun is that it has a good magazine capacity. It’s said that cuddling a super mutant to death is more preferable than this very low damage output gun, and we have to agree.
The weapons only get worse from here, if you can imagine it, as we take aim at Dead Space next on our countdown of the worst video game weapons a gamer could ever have the misfortune of coming across.
No: 8. Flamethrower – (Dead Space)
For a survival horror game such as Dead Space, the ammo and efficiency of your weapon is crucial. The flamethrower is the opposite of efficiency. The high fuel consumption and low damage makes this the worst weapon in the game. Because the Necromorphs really don’t mind being set on fire as long as they can survive long enough to bite off your face.
No: 7. Brass Knuckles – (Doom)
When you’re running in between dungeons and rooms filled with demons ready to tear your spleen out through your forehead, punching them with a pair of brass knuckles might sound bad-ass, but it definitely ain’t wise. If you really want to survive a demon apocalypse, please use a proper gun. You can punch the demon in the face with your brass knuckles after it’s dead if you’re so inclined.
No: 6. Giant’s Knife – (The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)
Big and powerful, that’s how swords are meant to be. The Giant’s Knife, obtained from the Goron City for 200 Rupees fulfills that role pretty well; for at least 2 hits before shattering into a useless piece of junk. It is a complete rip off and by far the worst sword in the game.
No: 5. Raphael’s Sais – (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
In a game where extended reach is everything, poor Raphael enters battle with a pair of forks. By the time you get up close and personal with the bad guy to land a hit with your Sais, half your health is gone. Basically, one does not simply play Raphael in TMNT and wish to win. Cowabunga.
No: 4. TK’s Wave – (Borderlands)
Anyone who played Borderlands knows how this game is filled with useless weapons. To pick the worst one from them takes a lot of perseverance. The Wave takes uselessness to a new level. It’s a ridiculously designed shotgun that fires in a slow, vertically oscillating wave-like pattern that spreads over a large area. Doing virtually no damage whatsoever, this gun lands itself a comfortable spot in our list of the worst video game weapons.
No: 3. PS20 – (Deus Ex)
A single shotgun with no scope nor laser sight and basically no damage. Need we say more?
No: 2. The Stick – (Fable)
As the starting weapon, the wooden stick doesn’t gather much attention to it. As the game goes on it’s noticeable that you cannot drop or sell the stick. With a limit of five weapons in your inventory The Stick just sits there and chills. It loses its potential as soon as you get a sword, but drags along to the end, making it the worst weapon in the game and landing a good solid 2nd place in our list of the worst video game weapons.
No: 1. The Klobb – (Goldeneye 64)
The Klobb is by far the most awful gun to have set its foot into a video game. Laughable damage, lack of accuracy, and a small magazine with a high rate of fire cement this gun’s place in history as the dud of video game weapons then and now, and the worst video game weapon of all time.