Raising a child is not an easy job, but some educational missteps are worse than others, and that got me wondering what the biggest mistakes parents make today are. When it comes to teaching our children how to interact with the modern day world, are us adults failing at our task, or succeeding? In most cases the answer is both, because a child isn’t merely the product of his or her upbringing, but is also influenced by the social environment in which it evolves.
If you’re just waiting for your kid to be old enough for boarding school, that’s fine too – you can check out our article on the 6 best boarding schools in the world and take your pick. But if you plan on raising your little rascals at home, then take a deep breath and get ready to face a hard truth: you most likely made at least two of the biggest parenting mistakes on the following list, or will. But no worries parents, mistakes and failure are on different sides of the river…as long as you learn from your errors.
As Bill Cosby once said, “No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.” So, here’s a list of the biggest mistakes parents make and how to avoid them.
6. Fight Their Battles for Them
One of the most common mistakes that parents make is to confuse standing up for their child with overtaking their battles. Needless to say, as children grow older, they need to feel in charge of their own conflicts and battles in order to become emotionally independent. While parents oftentimes feel the need to intervene in their child’s affairs, this actually cripples their kids, making them lose their sense of conflict resolution. So, if you want your kid to be a healthy, independent adult, let them learn to fend for themselves – even if they get a few scratches, you’ll be amazed at how smart and resilient a child can be.
5. Get Too Angry, Too Quickly
When you’re at home and your little boy gets called into the principal’s office because he did something wrong, take a minute to decide upon what you’ll say. Chances are, if he hit a schoolmate or stole something from the classroom, you’ll be angry. However, before you start reprimanding your child in a loud and angry voice, take a step back to think about what you truly want to say. Ask him questions, hear him out and then find a calm, precise way to explain why his actions were wrong and what the consequences will be. This way, your child will focus on his actions instead of on how mad you are and you’ll avoid saying things you don’t mean.
4. Leading with Bad Behaviour
No one’s a saint, that’s clear. But if you want your child to become a decent adult someday, then as a parent it’s crucial to look in the mirror regularly and evaluate your own behavioural patterns before you start trying to teach or preach certain habits yourself. Children are observant and will notice if you lie, cheat, steal, bully people, disrespect others, etc. More so, they’ll likely copy your attitudes, because as a parent, you are your child’s most important role model. If you want your kid to have a healthy relationship with food for example, start by balancing your own eating habits (and theirs in the process).
3. One Size Fits All
It’s important as parents to recognize that each child is different and unique in his or her response to your disciplinary methods. While your oldest kid may be more complacent and obedient by nature, your youngest might have a more rebellious personality. Thus, keep in mind that moulding a general educational strategy to the character of your child will probably show better results than applying the same methods, pressures, and boundaries to all.
2. Disrespect
In this day and age, we all assume that parents respect their children. But it’s amazing how many adults believe that their kids can be mistreated, insulted, and disrespected on a regular basis, without any consequences. This is a massive mistake. Your child will perceive your disrespect as a lack of affection, which will lead to reactionary behavior during adolescence and unhappiness as an adult. Respect is a two-way street, and if you want your children to follow your guidelines, start by treating them with respect.
1. Project Your Dreams
This is definitely one of the worst mistakes parents make. It’s positive to encourage your children to reach for the stars and follow their dreams, but be careful with this concept. Many parents have laid their own dreams aside in order to raise their kids, and then tend to project their life vision onto the child. This is a dangerous habit that can create severe insecurities, pressure, anxiety, and depression amongst children. If your child’s happiness is the most important thing to you as a parent, let them find and live their own dreams, no matter how different they are from yours.
