6 Easiest Ways to Get Prescribed Pain Pills

3. Lie Through Your Teeth

Faking severe pain and/or nerve damage seems to be the most popular solution to this problem, but WHATEVER YOU DO, do not rate your pain 10/10 (or even 9/10), because it means that you’re in –as this Craigslist user explains, “the worst pain you could possibly imagine”  Here’s a great step-by-step on how to choose and fake an injury and explanation of the number three on our list of easiest ways to get prescribed pain pills.

Being a Doctor, he also states that “if you tell me that your headache started suddenly and is the ‘worst headache of your life’ you will either end up with a spinal tap or signing out against medical advice without an rx for pain medicine”, so be careful not to over-sell your condition.

Still, here are some ideas for fake illnesses that might work:

– Present symptoms that might suggest sciatica, leg, knee, or back pain that might derive from damage to the nerves, but again, don’t exaggerate. If you’ve watched enough Dr. House, then you’re probably capable of faking the symptoms.

– Fake a kidney stone. This user here gives a very detailed explanation on his usual method to fool the MD.  According to him, you should claim you passed the stone this morning (so no proof) and act fidgety, like you’re having trouble sitting down. Now, here’s the tricky part: they will want to test your urine, to see if there’s any blood in it, so when you go to the toilet to provide the sample, prick your finger and add just a teeny-tiny drop of blood and stir. Do not add too much or you’ll be diagnosed with something way more severe. This way, you’ll get prescribed some anti-biotics, and “at LEAST some Vicodin-ES, or Lortab 10mg, or Lorcet-Plus, in some cases stronger meds than that.”

– In the same forum (man, that place is sketchy!), another user says his friend “faked an infection in his testicles, which shows no external symptoms, you just have to be a good actor and be willing to have your balls palpated and x-rayed. The standard prescription for that is twenty 5/500 Vicodin.” So there you go. If you’re really desperate, you’ll probably get your balls palpated. Whether that’s a pro or a con, it’s on you.

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