Did you ever wonder what the most common sexual accidents in America are? This list will definitely prove that accidents in the bedroom go beyond busted condoms and unplanned pregnancies. There have been accidents that have required immediate – and rather embarrassing – trips to the emergency room not to mention failed attempts at creating alibis for how the accidents actually happened.
And while these things sound more like plotlines for horrible rom-coms, they are real-life happenings and more common than you may have imagined. Ask anyone from any of the 11 biggest hospitals in the world, they’ll tell you how often they had to attend to cases of doing-the-deed mishaps. In fact, sex-related accidents send patients to the ER twice a week, according to this report from ABC News. It even inspired a TLC reality show so aptly titled “Sex Sent Me to the E.R.”.
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The thing is, tracking down the most common sexual accidents in America is nearly impossible. If this was the list of Britain’s most common accidents, it would have been easier because someone actually went on ahead and took a formal survey to find out how British people have hurt themselves while having sex. For this list, we had to go through the different hush-hush ways that people actually confessed their unfortunate bedroom experiences. We looked through confessions from Americans in hush-hush forums and online magazines made for mature audiences including this one from Women’s Health.
The items mentioned on this list of the most common sexual accidents in America were given points and ranked according to how often they were mentioned in our sources.
Ladies and gents, here are the not-so-kinky accidents in America. Maybe you’ll learn a thing or two about keeping it safe in the bedroom.
11. Animal Attacks – 5 points
Pets tend to be a little too overprotective or overeager at times – and they sure don’t understand how humans procreate. It’s hard to believe how many faces, legs, and nether regions have been scratched (or attacked) by dogs and cats during sex.
10. Carpet Burn – 5 points
This little detail tells us not only what makes the most common sexual accidents in America; it also tells us where Americans frequently do the deed. Carpet burns are commonly found on elbows, wrists, and knees.
9. Cricked Necks – 7 points
Sometimes, the throes of passion can get a little too overwhelming for some. This results in people stretching their necks and straining such to painful – but thankfully temporary – neck injuries. This is nothing a good night’s rest, and maybe a massage can’t solve.
8. Getting Something Stuck in the Rectum – 8 points
This sounds like something straight out of an NSFW-version of Dumb and Dumber, but this happens more than we’d like to think so. Talk about creativity gone wrong, it’s unimaginable the kind and variety of things that people get jammed up in their backdoor – fruits, vegetables, deo spray cans, light bulbs. This is not something you can make up, really.
7. Slipping in the Shower – 9 points
Whoever said shower sex is sexy and hot must have had it while the shower was off. What it is, though, is dangerous. All the special positions being kinky in the bathroom are all accidents waiting to happen – or have already happened in the case of all those who have made shower slips and falls one of the most common sexual accidents in America.
5. Bruising – 11 points
It’s important to note that these ‘bruising’ incidents do not include bruises acquired from consensual Fifty Shades of Gray-esque lovemaking. We’re talking here about bruises that come from overeager intimacy, bumping heads and limbs on walls, bedposts, floors, and whatnots.
5. Back Strains and Other Back Injuries – 11 points
Back strains in sex can come from over-exhaustion or over creativity… or both. This item tells us that some things are just better off left in the hands – and backs – of a more flexible person.
4. General Falls – 12 points
Gravity is not always on the side of sex. Tons of falls while doing the deed end up with all sorts of injuries – from sprains to strains, to broken bones.
2. Getting Something Stuck in the Vagina – 14 points
From the sound of it, you’d expect this is just another one of those stories where fruits, vegetables, machines, and other things that don’t supposedly belong inside the vagina end up in there. But you’ll be surprised that most of these accidents involve tampons and condoms getting stuck and lost. Also, this part of the list may or may not include penises getting stuck in the vagina and required depressants to relax the tensed up vaginal muscles.
2. Vaginal Tearing – 14 points
As painful as it sounds, it actually is rather common and normally not that severe. The common culprit: lack of proper lubrication.
1. Pulling a Leg Muscle – 15 points
With the legs being an essential tool for lovemaking, it is no surprise that pulling a leg muscle tops this list. If anything, it’s something most of the sexually active population has had at least once in their lifetime. Thankfully, there is nothing debilitating or permanent about this. Some rest and a few kinks should help sort this problem out and get its bearer ready for another round of the kinkies.
If there is anything that this list of the 11 most common sexual accidents in America proves, it’s that sex can be dangerous, and we humans cannot always be trusted with it. This makes us wonder if our cousins in the wild experience mishaps during their procreating process.
