This here is a list of the 10 most annoying questions to ask your friends (and that your friends can ask you), what they really sound like, and the response that each merits. You’ve probably at one time or another asked one of these, and who knows, you might find yourself answering one anytime. However, if what you’re looking for is to REALLY bother your friends, I’d refer you to our list of 10 Most Annoying and Hated Musical Instruments in the World, otherwise keep reading and you’ll find out how to reply like a champ!
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You’ve probably answered these queries before, so you know that it’s always uncomfortable, every darn time. There are two kinds of annoying questions: the ones that may carry no bad intentions and just be the result of plain lack of tact and a terrible choice of words; and those that sound completely innocent, but are actually super mean. These passive-aggressive surveys seem harmless in appearance, but always end up, rubbing you the wrong way, and for a good reason: it’s not the inquiry itself that’s nasty, but what it implies.
The thing about answering annoying questions is that they always put you on the spot, so your mind goes on strike, and finding a “dignified” answer suddenly becomes a titanic endeavor. Nonetheless, I’ve found that sarcasm is the best way to get out of these unnerving situations; so if you’re anything like me, then to hell with “dignified”, let’s learn to tell these suckers off.
So let’s see the list of most annoying questions to ask your friends, shall we?
10. Why are you still single?
What makes this one of the most annoying questions to ask your friends is that deep down most people ask themselves that question every day, they DO wonder why they’re single, so when they hear it out loud it sounds like “What’s wrong with you?” or “why doesn’t anybody love you?”, and that’s just rotten. Even though I think the first answer to come to mind would be: “Why are you such a douchebag?” a more polite option is: “I’m special”.
This is probably true, since we’re all “special”, and that’s a good thing. However, if this subject actually worries you, and you do ask yourself this question, then that’s just your brain begging for reflection. Know-your-self. Learn to discern your good behaviors from your bad ones, make an effort to cut down on them, and stop to think before you make decisions (or ask questions). In other words: get your sh*t together, and love will come to you.
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9. You know that crap’s going to kill you, right?
Yes, I know, I’m counting on it. This question which ranks 9th in our list of most annoying questions to ask your friends, often refers to cigarettes, but it can concern any unwholesome activity, such as: drinking alcohol, eating too much salt, or sugar, or gluten, McDonald’s and Coca-Cola, taking drugs (legal and illegal, both), not getting enough sleep, getting too much sleep, basically anything that gives you pleasure. So my answer usually is “You know living will kill you, right?”.
I envy people with healthy habits, though, and I do make an effort to cut down on my noxious behaviors myself, but being bad just feels sooo good. Like when you go to the gym and not 10 minutes later you’re bolting down a big, fat cheeseburger with extra bacon. So, if everything good in life is illegal, immoral, or fattening, but “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, I’m totally living forever!
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8. What are you going to do now that you’ve earned your degree?
I’ll probably shove it somewhere PG-13, because the truth is nowadays most degrees are virtually worthless. There are very few moments in life as disorienting as the end of one’s studies, so your answer to that question should be “I’ll try not to panic while I find out what my real dreams are and attempt to make a living out of them”. Or, as MTv’s Daria puts it: “My goal is not to wake up at 40 with the bitter realization that I’ve wasted my life on a job I hate because I was forced to decide on a career in my teens.” Pretty grim, huh?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you shouldn’t study; knowledge (any knowledge) is a key instrument for life, but no piece of paper is going to determine the rest of your days, that’s up to you. The idea that credentials will guarantee you family holidays, and caipirinhas on the beach might have been true when our parents were young, but it’s not anymore, today it’s all about inventiveness.
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7. Did you gain weight?
We are continuing our list of most annoying questions to ask your friends with this one, that is a tough one because it’s related to body image, which can be a touchy subject for many people, but not for others. Even though it might not be ill-intended, most of the times this question just sounds like they’re saying “you look fat”, which might very well be true, so why would you say that to people’s faces? Personally, I’ve always been too skinny for the likes of me (I know people who say this are loathed, which is also unfair), so I actually enjoy the extra weight, but for some reason that doesn’t make the question any less uncomfortable.
Although this is often considered a sensible issue for women, a contemporary paradigm has proven that it is just as hurtful to men; after all, we still live in a superficial society, and body shaming knows no gender. I know it may take some effort to befriend your own reflection, but when you do, your answer to this question should be “Don’t know, don’t care, so why do you?”
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6. Don’t you think you’ll regret getting all those tattoos when you’re old?
This is totally one of the most annoying questions to ask your friends. Granted, when I’m 80 all my tattoos will look like giant raisins, but I don’t think I’ll regret them, on the contrary, I’ll be proud of them, because they’ll remind me of either really good things that made it worth it, a lesson learned from a terrible choice; or a wicked hangover. In any of the cases, a tattoo always symbolizes life lived.
So what if your Spiderman design looks like your arm went through a blender? It will still be a reminder of all of those comics that gave you such great times as a kid; there’s no point in worrying about it. So go ahead, get your Darth Vader in a ballet skirt, your sheep getting probed by an alien, your Dawson crying-face meme, whatever you want, just never forget when and why you got it.
5. Who did you vote for?
With this one on our list of most annoying questions to ask your friends, you can smell the prejudice coming from a mile away, it doesn’t matter who you voted for, the query itself instantly thickens the air. Everyone has their reasons for who they chose, and if they’re not complete morons those reasons may as well be valid, but more often than not people fear to speak their minds. It makes sense, doesn’t it? That’s why voting is a private affair. However, what makes a difference, in this case, is that here you get to LIE about it, and there’s no way for anyone to find out, so it seems to me there’s been a lot of lying going around lately; otherwise, how do you explain Trump’s victory? All things duly considered, if you ask me, a good answer to the “Who did you vote for?” question would be… well, the truth, own up to your choices.
Personally, when it comes to politics, I abstain myself (side note: I’m not from the USA), because I root for the Cynic Party, which obviously doesn’t exist other than in the hearts of all of us who prefer to stand on the side while we watch the world burn. It’s terrible, I know, but hey, at least I’m true to myself.
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4. You don’t mind, do you?
If you’re asking me that, then you already know I probably do mind, so it all hangs on how much I actually like you, and if I owe you any favors. Most of the times it goes like this: “-insert annoying thing that they did/plan to do here-; you don’t mind, do you?” This question is super awkward because it’s actually the answer they want to hear, followed by a question tag, so in a way, it’s conditioning you to say “of course not”, under the fear of looking “selfish” or whatever. It’s almost extortion, really. However, there are two possibilities: either they haven’t done whatever crappy thing they’re thinking of doing yet, so they’re asking for PERMISSION, or they’ve already done the deed, and they’re asking for FORGIVENESS.
It’s a universal truth that asking for pardon is way easier than asking for consent, so if you find yourself obliged to ask a “don’t you?” question, you should do it as a petition for approval, not an apology, otherwise you’re just a coward. Nevertheless, if you’re on the receiving end of this question, my advice is to THINK about what your answer will be, because otherwise you might end up making a choice you’ll regret, even if it’s just saying “I do” or “I don’t”. Still, however annoying the request is, if it’s objectively fair you should get over yourself and let it be, so watch out not to, in fact, be acting selfishly.
3. Is that what you’re wearing?
This one on our list of most annoying questions to ask your friends, also involves looks, but it’s different, because it’s aimed towards taste, not fitness. Personally, I loathe this question, because 99% of the times it’s intentionally malevolent. Of course, it could be referring to other things, like saying “won’t you be cold?”, but if that were the case, it’d be a really cattish way to put it. This inquiry is a big NO-NO, because you’re telling people not only that they have bad taste, but also that they look ridiculous, and the truth is: no one wants to be friends with someone who says crap like this.
The way I see it, you should always wear whatever represents you and makes you feel comfortable, it doesn’t matter what it is. Seriously, however ridiculous it may seem to others, don’t be afraid of what people will say and just dress however you fancy. Wear that top-hat you got from the thrift shop, parade around in those fluorescent pants you bought a year ago, but just haven’t had the courage to use, but over all things: OWN IT. If you manage to gain the self-confidence to do so, your answer should be: “I look awesome, I know.”, or something of the sort. And now, let’s see the top two most annoying questions to ask your friends.
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2. How much do you make?
What is annoying about this question number two in our list of most annoying questions to ask your friends is that you know they’re asking it so they can instantly compare themselves to you (not out loud, of course). It’s not really about the sum of your salary really, it’s something people ask in order to give themselves either a pat on the back or a kick in the nuts, and they’ll base their judgement of you upon how you answer, so instead of giving them the pleasure, it’s better to deflect the question with a joke.
This is a good opportunity for sarcasm, and there’s no need to be mean, just give a funny answer, by means of example: a ridiculously large amount, like “A million, per week”, or a joke about the other person, “sorry, buddy, we’re not hiring!.” You can also be honest and say “Enough”, “more than enough”, or “not enough, but never say a precise sum, it’s completely unnecessary.
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1. Are you going to eat that?
I don’t know, but it’s on my plate, so I might eat it eventually, lay off my food!! I’m sorry, but I absolutely hate being asked this question. I’m like Joey from Friends (“Joey doesn’t share food!” remember?), so to me, this is definitely one of the most annoying questions to ask your friends. Still, this question is different from the other annoying questions to ask your friends, because it has several meanings. There are two possible issues this question could be aiming at: one is defiling the sacred boundaries of my plate (which should be punishable by death), and the other, once again, body image.
What separates one subject from the other is the intonation, meaning, what words you emphasize: “Are you going to eat that?” and “Are you going to eat that?” are two completely different questions, see? However, my reaction would probably be the same to both: I’d grab that piece of whatever and shove it in my mouth with a triumphant and satisfied look on my face and go “Yup.”, with my mouth still full. Nonetheless, if you can master the courage to loudly burp after you do that, then your training is complete.
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