8. Poland
We inaugurate the East-European categories with dear Poland, a place so cold there’s no wondering why some girls would marry an American just to get the hell out of there like it’s 1939.
| Characteristic | Total | Female | Male |
| Total | 5,275 | 3,163 | 2,112 |
| % | 60.0% | 40% |
Now, like I said, there are many different kinds of marriage, with different origins and religions, but let’s not kid ourselves, if we’re talking America, we’re talking good ol’ Christian marriage, because, like Louis CK says:
“We love to tell ourselves, like, ‘Every religion is exactly…’ No! No, they’re not. The Christians won EVERYTHING! A long time ago! If you don’t believe me, let me ask you a question: what year is it?” He later goes on to add “The Jews are quietly keeping track. ‘It’s really 5, 777 but that’s just for us. We’re just keeping track for when you snap out of it. It’s alright I’ll write your years on my check, I don’t want a problem.’”
And that’s basically the reason when I say “marriage” you think white dress, veil, rings, doves flying, and of course: virginity.
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